The funny thing is, I still prefer my sweet little house. It's easier. It's simpler. It's enough.
What do I want...What do I need... what do I already have?
Is it weird that I constantly ask in my subconcious these questions? I can't get off this kick lately. And I have to say, I'm not sure if I am just set up in prime conditions or what, but I feel pretty damn well satsified with what I have. It's the most earie feeling. Even the lacking, the part of me that is constantly craving, I even love that. It's the part of me that is always hungry, always looking for life and for love and beauty.... then discovering the sweet truth that it abounds.
I was going to write this blog with descriptions of the unique and beautiful experiences I've been having, but feel that it wouldn't do this feeling justice. I don't want to paint the wrong picture here.... just believe me when I say that my life is not perfect. I really have such trying moments...where I swear under my breath, or snap at my kids, or just feel so tired of wiping up Gabe's poop. But see... Even that! That is part of it too! I'm realizing that life really will never be perfect. I can break it down into some simple basics:
1. If I think stuff will make me happy, I will never have enough, and I still won't be happy.
2. An act of love is usually staring me right in the face.
3. If I don't just start trying now to overcome my weaknesses, my life will just get worse.
4. there is breathtaking beauty all around me, if I just take a look
5. Challenge myself to things that scare me
6. work hard, from my heart.
7. Give myself room to be human
I feel silly suggesting this, but could you try saying this list out loud to yourself and let me know how it makes you feel. If you think of a few more things for my list, please let me know.
I talk about you often. Sometimes I miss you so much it's the strangest feeling, I want to watch you blossom, mature, grow older. I have known you and loved you during all my remembering years. I wish we could have long converstations... hard to do from across the ocean, but here is my blog in honor of you. I love your spirit, your heart, your beauty, your light!